Speech Transcript from Aapa and Aamir's Graduation

Apparently, it is possible to get sick in only 3 seasons of the year: fall, winter and spring. More specifically, only weekdays from 8a.m. to 4p.m. I’m serious. I wasn’t aware this “disease” actually existed until after Aamir started going to school. Aamir suffered with this illness since he started Kindergarten and there’s still no cure for it. Doctors diagnosed this problem as being absent from an educational institution by temporarily simulating a condition of ill health. In layman’s terms: pretending to be sick to skip school.

Despite his odd “illness”, he’s managed to make it this far and he’s graduating high school. In my entire life, I have never admired anyone more than my brother. He’s smart, confident, witty, athletic, creative, and as we all know, a brilliant dancer and a true friend. I’ve talked with him many times not as a younger brother, but as a best friend. He’s stood up for me like an older brother would, and I appreciate him for all that he is. Even though he’s the youngest in our family, we tend to listen to his advice because he’s wise beyond his years. With the exception, of course, of his advice to us about getting him a car.

It’s incredible how much time has passed. I remember the days when he was just a little kid who confused English and Urdu and would use phrases like “Can you saaf my nose” or “Can you pakar this.” I miss how he use to refer to himself in third person: “Aamir ko yeh nahi chahiye, Aamir ko woh chahiye.” I miss coming home from school and having to watch Dragonball Z and play Super Smash Brothers...wait, no...I don’t miss that.

That’s one of the great things about having a sister. I get to share my very limited girly side with someone. Aapa never made me watch Dragonball Z...but we did spend almost an entire year where we would come home every day from school and watch Hum Aapke Hain Kaun.

We were only one grade apart in school, so I never had to look for anyone else to hang out with. Yes, I was the annoying little sister that would follow her big sister around in school and sit at the lunch table with all of her friends. I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you, Aapa, for never trying to strangle me out of annoyance...except for that one time when I was a baby. Although, I doubt you’d try anything now, with either me or Aamir, since we’re both taller than you.

Vada Pao, even though your height is limited, your intelligence is not. You have a gift to analyze things and put them in a simple black and white perspective. This is one of the reasons you’re such a great teacher. You have an ability to explain things simply and clearly so anyone can understand. You’ve been the tutor in our family for so long, and our lives would be chaotic without you. You’re definitely the true diplomat of our family. You’ve been a role model for both me and Aamir and acted not only as an older sister, but as a parent. For that, the four of us are very thankful. The four of us being Mom, Dad, Aamir and myself...I’m not schizophrenic.

As I said earlier, Aapa and I were only a year apart in school. So we shared and celebrated a lot of the things. We had the same awards days, the same picture days in which we wore the same clothes (thanks to our wonderful mom who tried to pass as twins when we were younger), we shared the day we missed school when Aamir was born. Aamir was born on my 5th birthday. I remember buying a Mickey Mouse birthday card for him because in my mind this was the perfect day to give someone a birthday card...on their actual BIRTH day. I remember saying to my parents he was my birthday gift since he was born on my birthday. I remember all the times we celebrated our birthday together and had two birthday cakes. I also remember my 13th and his 8th birthday when he took my present, my GameBoy Color.

I’ve been lucky enough to share and celebrate the most important days of my life with either Aamir or Aapa, and I’m glad there’s finally a day where I get to celebrate the both of them together. On this occasion I would like to publicly state that: Aapa, I forgive you for trying to strangle me when I was a baby and Aamir I forgive you for taking my GameBoy. I’m very proud of both you and feel very lucky for having both of you in my life.

Congratulations Aamir for graduating from High School and congratulations Aapa for graduating from Graduate School.

I love you both.

What's in a name?

Why was such a big deal that Romeo was a Capulet and Juliet was a Montague? Why was Dwight so insistent on being labeled as “Assistant Regional Manager” rather than “Assistant to the Regional Manager”? Why do I, having my official title be “Legal Assistant,” hate being called a “Legal Secretary?” Does it really make a difference? After all, “That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

What is it about titles and labels that makes us so crazy? Why can’t we all just be confident about who we are and not let a name or label bother us? Even if we have the title that we want, why is it so important for us to have other people recognize it? Well, because at the end of the day, it really does matter what people think and how they perceive us.

Growing up, society taught me a way to perceive secretaries. It was a woman’s job, and the tasks seemed to be really trivial. Something anyone could do, but something men were too good to do. Secretaries answered phones, ordered lunches, scheduled meetings, nothing really that complicated. My perception of secretaries may be different from someone else's, but that’s how I see it.

With Dwight, it was more of a succession issue. In his opinion, if he was Assistant Regional Manager that meant he was next in line to be in charge after Michael. To him, adding that “to” into the label, changed the definition of the role he played in the office. In reality, it really didn’t make a bit of difference because it didn’t change his job responsibilities.

When people work hard to achieve their goals, they want something to show for it. It’s tacky (again, according to society) to boast about how much money you’re making, so the only thing you really have to show for it is your title. “I’m Jane Smith and I make 2 million dollars every year,” or “I’m Jane Smith and I’m the CEO of Fortune 500 Company.”

All of this is also related to why I get annoyed when someone accidentally calls me Salima or Saima. A name is like a box and enclosed in it are all of the individual’s accomplishments. So when someone calls me Salima, it’s like they’re denying me of everything I’ve accomplished.

So, the next time you’re at Starbucks and you see someone spell out their name for the barista to label their coffee cup correctly, smack them upside the head and call them crazy. That’s just taking it a little too far.

Blanket Bhikaari

There are a few essential things I need to have daily in my life otherwise my day does not feel complete. Those things include drinking a cup of coffee, checking my email, speaking to my best friend, getting a hug from a certain someone and sighting Blanket Bhikaari. Now, most of the things on my list seem quite normal except for the very last one. You may be asking yourself, “Who is this Blanket Bhikaari?” Well, I don’t really know him, but here’s the story:

About two years ago I began my job in downtown Dallas, and I use to drive to work every day. I wouldn’t really pay attention to the pedestrians as I made my way to the parking garage (and no, I didn’t run anyone over), but every once in a while I’d notice someone in a cool outfit, someone jay-walking or a homeless person. Then one day, I saw him. Blanket Bhikaari (The term “bhikaari” in Urdu means beggar). He’s a tall African-American male, with crazy dreadlocks and he always walks around with a blanket wrapped around himself. It’s just so intriguing. I mean, I’ve seen beggars walk around with large overcoats, or even multiple layers, but I’ve never seen one walk around wrapped in a blanket. It just seems so impractical. Wouldn’t it be easier to walk around in something with sleeves so you could free up your hands? The argument of whether he can actually afford/obtain something besides a blanket has been brought to my attention and I actually thought this held some merit until I started observing Blanket Bhikaari closely. He has more than one blanket! I’ve seen at least three different colors he walks around with! Clearly, this man has options.

I really wonder what he does all day. I’ve never seen him talk to anyone, or look at anyone. I randomly see him throughout the day in different parts of Downtown walking as though he is trying to get to a specific destination, but he never stops anywhere. He just keeps walking. The weirdest thing about all of this is whenever I pull out my phone to try to capture a picture of him, he disappears. Now before you start claiming that he’s just a figment of my imagination and I’m schizophrenic or something, there have been other people that have seen him. I’ve pointed him out to friends who come visit me for lunch, so he’s definitely real.

I don’t know where this man came from, or why he walks around with a blanket all the time (even during the summer), but I know my curiosity has peaked. I am determined to figure out what this man does all day and why he walks around with a blanket. I will also capture him in a photograph one of these days and prove to you that he does, indeed, exist.  

(photograph taken 03/29/10)

I've already come up with a title for when I find out his life story: Blanket Bhikaari ka Bhayanak Bachpan. (Don't you just love the alliteration?)  Also, as a backup plan, if his life story is lame the title will read: Blanket Bhikaari ka Bakwaas Bachpan.  Let me know if you want to help me with my project.  It's going to make headlines!

Man vs. The Man

I remember watching The Terminal with Tom Hanks and thinking to myself, “Well, if I ever get stranded at an airport for a long period of time with no money and no idea of how to communicate at least the ketchup and crackers will be free.” Strangely enough, I was comforted by this idea. That is until I went to McDonald’s last night.

I was feeling a bit lazy and decided to go to the closest fast food drive-thru to pick up some dinner. I ordered the 10 chicken nuggets meal and requested both barbecue and honey mustard dipping sauce. I paid at the first window and drove up to the second to wait on my food. The lady handed me my bag of food and it was folded from the top. My first thought of this was, “Hey they’re thinking about convenience for the customer, and they know it’s easier to hold the bag if it’s folded from the top...how considerate.” WRONG! They tried to get away with only giving me one sauce packet! How do I know it wasn’t just an honest mistake? Here’s how:

I opened the bag after the lady handed it to me, just to make sure everything in my order was correct. I noticed only one barbecue sauce packet so I kindly asked for a honey mustard packet and an extra barbecue sauce packet (those are smaller). (Fast food place tryin' to pull a fast one on me...who ya think you're dealin' with here? Psh!) She looked at me and replied with a look of discontent, “He put two sauces in there.” “No, there’s only one in here,” I responded with a confused and slightly pissed off tone. “Well, he put two in there.” I handed her the bag and told her to look for herself. So she gave me the bag back and a packet of honey mustard. I waited a few seconds while staring and asked again for another packet of barbecue sauce. Then the lady started arguing with me about how they only give two sauce packets for ten chicken nuggets. I later noticed a small sign on the window that said you get one packet of sauce for six nuggets, 2 packets for 10 nuggets, and if you want an extra sauce packet they charge you $0.30. I got my sauce, said thank you and drove away.

Really McDonald’s?! You’re seriously going to start charging extra for sauce? I’m sure you’re losing a lot of money because people are just giving away your sauce. I’m sure this will fix the decline in revenue you’ve been experiencing. “We’re experiencing a decrease in profits, let’s charge the customers for sauce and piss them off, that’ll help the problem.” Absolutely brilliant. You know what McDonald’s? Screw you! Wendy’s spicy chicken nuggets are far more superior, and their honey mustard is 10 times better. 

Down with The Man!

Happy Independence Day

It all started last night around 9:30. I was meeting a friend at a Starbucks in Carrollton to drop off some files for REC (the Religious Education Center) she needed to have for this Saturday’s classes. A mutual friend of ours was also there, so I sat down and we began chatting. We were talking for a while and then she announced her engagement to me. I shouted, “Oh my God!” out of surprise and excitement and immediately thought to myself, “This is so amazing. I’ve been hearing of acquaintances getting married, but to have a close friend announce her marriage is a totally different feeling.” I instantly began thinking of ideas for her bridal shower, and fun things we could do. I felt blessed that I had a friend close enough that would think to include me when first announcing her engagement. I drove home that night with a smile on my face.

* * *

6:00 A.M.: “Turn off the alarm.” That’s what I say to my Moshi Voice Control Alarm Clock every morning to shut it off. (I know. Badass right?) I crawled out of bed and started getting ready for work. It takes me about 20 minutes to get ready in the morning so I have some time to sit and check email and catch up on the news online. After a few minutes, I got up and put on my black Kenneth Cole tailor fit trench coat. It was the first coat I had bought with my own money a few winters ago, so I have some sentimental attachment to it. I left my apartment and walked downstairs to my ’09 Camry. I got inside, started the car and thought to myself, “I can’t believe I’m grown-up enough to be able to purchase a brand new car.” I turned on NPR and began driving to the train station. About 15 minutes later, I was sitting on the train listening to Bollywood songs on my iPod watching the sunrise out of the window as the train drove me to work.

I got off the train and it’s a bright, sunny and slightly chilly morning. I walked about a block and half to my building passing the Majestic Theater and giant posters about the All-Star game coming up. I continue walking feeling wonderful and slightly important that I work in a high-rise in downtown Dallas. I walked into my building and went downstairs to the Starbucks where the barista knew my name and my drink: tall White Chocolate Mocha. I waited for my drink and took the elevators up to the 22nd floor of where I work. I walked inside and looked out the window where I can see the whole city from above.

I took a deep breath, sipped my coffee, smiled and thought about how blessed and lucky I felt at that moment. This is the life I wanted for so long. This is the feeling I wanted since I was 13: the feeling of independence, accomplishment and happiness. I’m finally there.

“Mommy wow! I’m a big kid now."

Palindromic Philosophy

The usual approach to any result is that if it’s a good/successful outcome, then there’s no need to look back at the process because in the end you profited. However, if the result is bad, we look back to see where we went wrong. When something goes right, we don’t immediately think back and try to figure out where improvements could have been made. What if you look back at a positive result and realize the process of getting there was all negative? What if your success was like a side effect, there was a possibility of it happening, but that wasn’t what the medicine was for?

People always say, “It’s the thought that counts.” Usually when this phrase is repeated it’s because of some plan or action that suffered failure. You get a birthday present for someone, but they don’t like it. It’s the thought that counts. You decide to cook a meal for your boyfriend, but end up burning the food. It’s the thought that counts. You wanted to throw your grandmother a surprise birthday party, but she had a heart attack from the shock. It’s the thought that counts. I hope the last one never happens, but I’m just trying to make a point here. You’re supposed to look at the intentions of a person whether their actions resulted in good or bad.

What if the end results of a person’s actions were good, but the intentions were bad? What if someone had impure intentions and wanted only to benefit themselves, but somehow you were benefited by them? This person never truly cared about your well being; you were used, but, in the end, you were better off. In a situation like this does the phrase “it’s the thought that counts” still apply?

2010, let's begin.

Sometimes people have epiphanies and decide in an instant to change something about their lives or sometimes these decisions to change come from a gradual process which ultimately leads to the realization. Either way, people come to a point in their lives and promise to commit to changing something about themselves. When this moment occurs, people tend to behave and talk in such a convincing manner that I am compelled to believe that they are, indeed, going to make the change. That is until I hear the following words attached to their declaration: That’s my New Year’s resolution.

I mean, I really don’t get it. You come to a point in your life, you have this revelation to change something (presumably for the betterment of your life), yet, you want to delay it until January 1st of the following year. WTF? Do it the moment you realize you need the change! Why delay it until New Year’s Day? People are so lazy. I can understand procrastination when it comes to work or school projects or something, but if you’re going to make a life-altering decision, what’s the point of postponing it? Oh I’m sorry, the Earth needs to complete a revolution around the sun before I can start my diet. Global warming can wait; the Earth needs to be evenly tanned before I start recycling. Seriously, what’s wrong with people?

I suppose I should be more encouraging and supportive. Starting a transformation on New Year’s Day is better than not doing it at all. Still, it irks me that people designate New Year’s Day as the day to make a new change in their life. I’m also annoyed by Valentine’s Day. Why do we have to designate a day to show a loved one how much we care? Shouldn’t you do that everyday? The same goes for Halloween. If I want to scare the crap out of someone, I’m not going to wait until Halloween to do it. What about April Fool’s Day? Can you imagine how boring The Office would be if Jim only pulled pranks on Dwight one day a year? 

If you really must make a New Year’s resolution, I hope it will be that you won’t wait until the following year when you decide there’s something you want to change about your life. My point is, if you want to do something, do it the moment you realize it. Carpe Diem! 

Happy New Year!